A LETTER TO MYSELF ON MY 20TH BIRTHDAY

Dear 19 year old me (PUCHII)….

wishing you a very happy birthday

congrats on the beginning of 20th year of your life..and i know in this journey of 19 years you had some great times and some tough times also like the past 6 years but trust me these 6 years worked as polishing era of your life.

I have to say some important messages to you.. I am writing this letter on your 20th birthday to keep you informed about your journey forever and to adore you openly. And now it’s time to LEVEL UP your life and that is what this letter is all about…

In these past 6 years..i was supposed to be with you but i left you floundering on your own to rely for love and encouragement and strength from others- from strangers when it was i who should have helped you. I should have told you not to care what others think, to not be afraid of judgements and to not be ashamed of who you are.. but hell no… I took you for granted and dishonoured you and when we take anything for granted…we finally lose it and this is what happened 3 years back. I underestimated you that you are not enough .. that if you’d be a better student , a better daughter , a better sister , a better girlfriend , a better lover and more talented…only then I’d adore you and this was the worst of all. I know i set expectations that made you belittle yourself (because you think they are impossible to reach for you) just because i was very influenced of fantasies of this society imposed in our mind by our families.. i set those bridges too high.. i wanted you to reach to the stars with your feet on the ground by giving the dialogue “ no goal is impossible to achieve”. I am so sorry for all these things.. and trust me you are the most confident , most social and most assertive version of myself because you bravely won this battle between you and me…..

I KNOW YOUR TEENAGE YEARS WERE A MISHMASH of insecurities and imperfections, telling you that you’re shy, invisible and unconfident when you look in the mirror.

I KNOW THAT WASN’T THE LIFE YOU IMAGINED TO HAD … but trust me it doen’t matter if your purpose doesn’t looks like anyone else. it’s yours! No matter how imperfect your dreams are for others. it’s yours to fulfil!!.. REMEBER THIS IS THE ONLY LIFE YOU GET SO LIVE AUTHENTICALLY.

I KNOW YOU LIKE TO save others..you like to be there for others.. you like to give in friendship and relationship . But you also have to learn to take.. a superwoman also needs help wearing her cape sometime.. so forgive yourself when you make mistakes as you always do to others.. you deserve it..and this is the best thing of you that you never forget to learn from your mistakes..

I KNOW YOUR PAST WAS A VERY BIG HURDLE OF EMOTIONS.. but it should always be a place to take lessons and memories from..not something to to return yourself to regrets…

If you wanna be good to everyone.. Be that good to them regardless of how you think they will treat you in return. Treating people in the way they treat does never makes you feel better anyway and it always makes you act out of your real character.. Just stay true to what you are with that hidden child and a mature women inside you but don’t be naive. Good energy always goes where good energy flows. Don’t disrupt your aura just because others are not on the same wave. Of course you can continue to be kind , Loving , Loyal and a ride or die friend and loved one as you are from the beginning but don’t fear of rejections.. REMEMBER YOU WON’T BE EVERYONE’S CUP OF TEA and it’s alright. You have to say no sometimes too because you can’t say yes everytime knowing that saying no won’t make you a bad person but will be just a person who is choosing to take control of their own life.

Stop letting fear of rejections and judgements keep you away from chasing your dreams…it’s not fair to you and tomorrow is never promised. Now when you speak in public , when you wear short dresses , when you don’t keep your social media accounts private anymore , when you walk confidently and pay your bills at your own just at the age of 20.. I wish your teenage self could see the girl you are now and it won’t be wrong to say that you are the best version of you is on her way and not behind you. Now you are mature enough to flow with winds and do whatever wish , wherever you want to go.. Take the risks and do whatever it is that your heart desires.. You have so much untapped potential. STOP WAITING UNTILL YOU ARE “READY” because guess what PUCHII.. YOU ARE DAMN READY AND NOW WE ARE TOGETHER FOREVER..

I know half of the last year was not like what you imagined to be.. You lost many things emotionally and your past was just about to repeat but no worries you won the battle once again and that’s what I always feel proud about you and your that courage that yess i can do it anyhow AND YES YOU .. MY SOLDIER… IF YOU ARE READING THIS.. THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING..

the another half was pretty good and together we learnt a lot of things and a lot of new experience..some of them were very perilous too and full of sorrow.. you lost someone who was so close to heart and of course he was your biggest pride and inspiration too.. BUT YEAH.. HE WILL BE ALWAYS WITH YOU FOREVER..

Now you have grown up into a beautiful , confident , intelligent and wonderful soul and i am so proud of you.. thanks a lot to your past and all those persons responsible for your tough days. They made you to sparkle out into what you are now.. You are now becoming that person I’ve always wanted you to be.. You shine in whatever you do.. And now i feel so happy whenever i see those small childish dreams coming true of going to a road stall and eating samosa until i get full to the neck.. I know it’s so funny but yeah once it was your dream in childhood… your dream to have long hairs as now you have.. your dream of wearing long gowns as snow white and belle wore.. your dream to watch fairy cartoons without any limit.. yupp now all of these little dreams just make me full of charms and yes I and you together .. we are enjoying growing old.. Thank you so much for being so energetic and accepting all challenges that makes you more experience and strong everyday.. KEEP GROWING ALWAYS AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH..

LOL PUCHII..